I consulted the I Ching to help me write episode 306 of Mountain Time, because Philip Dick did it once and it worked out pretty well for him, regardless of what I think of that book. (Incidentally, I think it’s a decent book, but far less deserving of all the praise than many of his others.)

When consulting the I Ching, I guess you need a question. My question was regarding how the story should progress from the beginning of row 3; at the time of its asking, I had already drawn Dave ripping out his own heart and turning it into macaroni salad as a way of indicating that death isn’t an eventuality he need concern himself with.

The initial idea was that Dave would then say (regarding the question about his post mortem arrangements), “I’m not sure it’s going to come up.” He would follow this by saying, “Unlike the corpses in this cemetery,” and the corpses would promptly rise from the grave and engage in shenanigans.

I liked this idea, but found it a bit straightforward and considered pursuing a different path. So, I asked the I Ching:

Should Dave incite a zombie uprising?

This is what it told me:

The present is embodied in Hexagram 30 – Li (Fire): It will be advantageous to be firm and correct, and in doing so there will be a free course and success. Let him also nourish a docility like that of the cow, and there will be good fortune.

This is easy enough. Presently, Dave is being firm and correct in his demonstration of immortality, and indeed, he receives a free course (the macaroni salad). There will be good fortune if he stays docile, which means no violent mischief for Dave. Which is fine; some of his best work is completely non-violent.

The second line, divided, shows its subject in his place in yellow. There will be great good fortune.

Dave in yellow? No. It’s never been made explicit exactly how Dave dresses, but I think it’s safe to say his wardrobe involves very little to no yellow. Looks like we’ll miss out on that good fortune.

The third line, undivided, shows its subject in a position like that of the declining sun. Instead of playing on his instrument of earthen ware, and singing to it, he utters the groans of an old man of eighty. There will be evil.

Ok, the sunset imagery does not mesh well with the guy who has already demonstrated that he is exempt from death, so that line’s a wash. The instrument of earthenware came out of left field, but I suppose it could refer to the tombstones? So I guess instead of “playing” the tombstones to raise zombies, he, um, groans like an octogenarian? I don’t see Dave complaining about his age. However, I was pretty sure there would be evil.

The fifth line, divided, shows its subject as one with tears flowing in torrents, and groaning in sorrow. There will be good fortune.

That’s an odd harbinger of good fortune, isn’t it? “Tears flowing in torrents,” very loosely interpreted, could refer to the Wave of Freedom, I guess. I mean, Dave ain’t gonna cry, you know.

The situation is shifting, and Yang (the active masculine force) is gaining ground.

Ok, if we’re still talking about the present, then I guess Yang is Dave? It makes sense, but it still tells me nothing I didn’t already know.

The future is embodied in Hexagram 10 – Lu (Treading Carefully): One treads on the tail of a tiger, which does not bite him. There will be progress and success.

Apparently Dave will not be taken out by Surf Rat. Or a literal tiger, for that matter.

The things most apparent, those above and in front, are embodied by the upper trigram Li (Fire), which is transforming into Chi’en (Heaven). As part of this process, brightness and warmth are giving way to strength and creativity.

So brightness and warmth, here represented by a magical super villain ripping out and eating his own heart in a cemetery, is giving way to strength and creativity. With metaphors like these, “strength and creativity” may end up meaning “he trips over a rock and falls on a snail that proceeds to list its favorite parts of the 1979 film Roller Boogie.”

The things least apparent, those below and behind, are embodied by the lower trigram Li (Fire), which is transforming into Tui (Lake). As part of this process, brightness and warmth are giving way to joy, pleasure, and attraction.

To recap, brightness and warmth are giving way to strength, creativity, joy, pleasure, and attraction. I’m picking brightness and warmth as the shoo-in team of the Giving Way Olympics. Oh, and a fire is transforming into a lake, as is so often the case.

In short, I think the I Ching only worked for Philip Dick because he was both as crazy as a bird of paradise on angel dust and an utter genius. Lacking both of these traits, I got nothing out of it.