Interested in an appetizer? Try the bag of dicks! (At 2560 calories, these four dicks are best shared with a group.)
All right, I’m firing this appetizer person too.
It’s very cold in Portland tonight, and a lot of trees have fallen over because of the wind, contributing to massive power outages, but you know what? I still think it’s better than the sun going red giant. That’s just me, though.
Xeno’s been making a killing selling his Forever Furniture to business executives. Maybe I should have invested when I had the chance, but his sales pitch just kept going on endlessly.
Hey, that’s the person who was trying to sell the front-scratcher, isn’t she? Something McBurgers, I think? Given my invention of the middlescratcher to compete, clearly I gotta compete here too. Alright, listen up: a scratch-and-sniff dictionary where you can scratch the word and it’ll smell like—wait, no, this is a legitimately good idea. Nevermind.
FullestCircle: Strong Bad already came up with that idea, anyway.
Well, not unless her office is in the basement and the sides extend out to street level.
I love the brute force idea of using powdered mixes to scent books. I mean you aren’t supposed to get books wet, right? So it’s no problem. Perfect solution. Where’s my cheeto-dust-covered gaming magazines.
Nah: His sales pitch had me half on board. As it went on, I became 75% on board. Then 87.5%. Then 93.75%. Then 96.875%. Then 98.4375%…
Circle: Burgers Monroe. She also invented the crotchless hat, if you want to keep up the competition.
https://mountaincomics.com/comic/mt1091/
Cold: Back when I started doing this, I’d draw a bit during my downtime at work, and I used an empty cannister of my roommate’s protein powder to transport the pages home without risking them getting folded. My early paper archives reek of cookies and cream to this day.
Hatless crotch. We already have over 8 billion users.
Didn’t, uh, think of using a pocket folder or anything? That’s where I kept mine back when I started, and I was drawing at school. Granted, school is already a very foldery place. But maybe that residue is what made those old comics so buff and robust!
Circle: Thing is, I got mine for free.
Cold: Hard to find one that fits 8.5×14, which is what we used in my department (and what I still use). I’ve since switched to accordion binders, which is why the comics now have that distinct kezmer flair.
Sending debt collectors now
Mazel Tov! Man that is some long paper. and… that must have been some gigantic protein powder if it came in a 14-inch tube. Come to think of it though, I have absolutely seen that. Protein is not space-efficient.
I assume it was an oatmeal-type tube, with the lid basically flush with the sides, otherwise if there was some kind of inner lip, you’d never get a paper back out again. Just like the human mouth!
Circle: Well I just fucked up.
Cold: It only had to be 8.5″ tall, due to the magic of rolling things up. (Luckily, I had played plenty of Katamari Damacy by that point.) And it *did* have a lip. (Luckily, I had experience with taking paper out of my mouth due to a fundamental misunderstanding of fortune cookies.)
This is why I’m bad at 3d, I always forget you can turn things.
Hey Christopher! I’ve spent the last three months reading through the entire backlog of your comic. I loved every minute of it. Watching your growth as an artist has been inspiring to me. The fact that you managed to get me invested in characters with names like “Onion Shakespeare” or “Chimneyfoot” or even the most ridiculous, “Dawn”, is a testament to your writing skills. This comic has been consistently creative and surprising for 15 years, and I’m excited to keep reading. Bravo.
Wow, thanks! Personally, I’m pretty underwhelmed by my growth as an artist, considering we’re coming up on the 15th anniversary, but I’ll take it!
(Oh, and the “-topher” part of my name is silent and not really worth typing out.)
I wonder if it intersects with the unreasonably long examination table.