Ask Bird
Sorry! This session of Ask Bird is closed.
You may have encountered him during a slice of Pizza Time 12, or while laying tile in your bathroom, or while playing badminton in Queens on the 4th of July, but nonetheless, after a deep sea voyage, a tennis match, a trip to Arby’s and several months spent with an undercover mall security firm, he’s back, and he’s willing to take your questions.
Bird, won’t all this fame go to your head?
Do late birds still get a worm, only later?
Dav: When in Rome eh. It
Klear: A classic conundrum. I always say, if you can
Oh Bird, what may be the cause and solution to the problem of my lower back pain?
Lemoncurry?: What kind of life are you leading? One of scandal I fear. A life that may threaten to destroy your very being. A life full of illicit activities, late nights and numerous un-checked voicemails. You need to get back on track, and soon. Otherwise you
Are you a passerine or a failerine?
Fusion: I get asked this kind of thing a lot. I often find myself staring into space and picturing Meg Ryan naked and then immediately wondering why the hell I’m picturing Meg Ryan naked. I mean, she’s got a cute face. I like when her hair is short and curly- it’s a fun look on her. And she has very pretty eyes, and, yep, I’m picturing her naked right now.
I’m looking to purchase a home theater system, do you have any recommendations?
Booster Seat: Back in the 70’s I met a man who had a boat. He was always very jolly. You should buy a boat.
Excuse me, Bird, but you do realize this is handicapped parking only, right?
Xweetara: As a fan of bocce ball I learned a long time ago that you have to be aware of the terrain you
Bird – when would be the best time of the year to visit the Meteor Crater in Arizona? Any lodging recommendations?
Petecific: It all revolves around climate shifts. It
Do you mind if I ask you a second question?
Klear: Who the hell is society to even make you wonder such a thing? It makes me sick the authority we give to an incorporeal idea, a concept created by mass conceptions and misconceptions and theories and opinions and books and newspapers and television and, you know what, of all things, oh, shit, I forgot to DVR Finding Bigfoot. What
How would you like your steak cooked?
Bird- What is the best way to make a Porpoise Burp cocktail? So far the best one I’ve had was mezcal, lime, creme de violette, simple syrup, egg white shaken and topped with soda, with a sea salt rim. Any suggestions?
What’s the minimum number of cows that constitutes a herd?
The Sentient Houseplant: I
Machetazo: This reminds me of an episode of Star Trek. You should have more orgasms.
Isto: There
Bird, how is your advice always the best advice?
Oh goddamn it closed.